


Pub

by thespiderbaby



Category: The Fast Show
Genre: Awkward Dates, Canon Gay Character, Canon Gay Relationship, M/M, Post-Canon, pub
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-10-14 14:51:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10538715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thespiderbaby/pseuds/thespiderbaby
Summary: Ted and Ralph decide to visit a different pub for a change.





	

Ever since Ralph had declared his love for Ted on karaoke night down the local pub, the pair had been avoiding Ted's friends by visiting other pubs. It wasn't that they were unsupportive of Ted and Ralph's relationship; in fact, it was the complete opposite. They were supportive to the point of asking too many questions about them. Ted was sure they didn't mean to be nosy, but he knew how Ralph was uncomfortable with having so much attention directed towards him. Ted would still drink with his friends, but sometimes he and Ralph wanted to go somewhere peaceful, where nobody knew them.

Ted pulled into the car park of The Star, a cosy- looking village pub with a large garden. He parked without difficulty and walked into the pub alongside Ralph, who had to duck slightly to avoid hitting his head on the low ceiling. There didn't seem to be too many people around; the few that were there seemed as though they might be locals. A curley- haired man was standing by a slot machine, locked in an animated discussion with another man. A group of men were sitting at the bar, while another group were crowded around a screen that appeared to be showing a football programme. Ted recognised the presenters; even though he hadn't watched this type of programme for a while, it was a comfort to see that Ron Manager and Tommy Stein were still in the presenter's chairs. Ron seemed to be in the middle of one of his tangents- he was nodding, and making a lot of gestures with his hands. Ted took his eyes off of the screen and brought his attention back to Ralph. 

"What're you having?" Ted fumbled for his wallet.  
"Oh no, Ted. It's my treat, I insist. You've been busy today, so I shall buy this round." Ralph smiled at his partner.  
"Fair enough si- Ralph. It's only right that I get you some cheesy chips later though." Ted replied. He occasionally slipped back into calling Ralph 'sir' when he wasn't paying attention. Luckily, Ralph understood Ted's difficulty with unlearning class roles that he had conformed to for years, and didn't pick up on any mistakes.

Ralph bought two pints of a local bitter and the couple went to sit at a table away from the other drinkers. The football game was making them excitable, but Ted and Ralph were in the mood for a quiet night. Ralph moved his chair round so he was closer to Ted, and asked Ted how his day had been; it was that time of year again when the drainage in the lower field was psrucalarly bad, and Ted had been trying to sort it out nearly all day, with Ralph bringing him refreshments at regular intervals. At lunchtime, they'd sat under one of the large trees in the grounds and shared some sandwiches, but then Ralph had had to dash off into town to get some food for the week ahead.

The pair had been chatting for about half an hour, when someone came over to their table. He looked to be a bit older than Ted, with curly white hair and a smart suit and tie.   
"Excuse me, is this seat taken?" asked the man.  
"Oh, er, no," said Ralph. "We're just here by ourselves."  
The man sat down across the table from Ted and Ralph.  
"My name's Archie, by the way," said the man. "This is my local pub. I don't think I've seen you around before."  
"I'm Ralph and err...this is Ted, my err...um, my... Ted. We, err, just fancied a change of scenery and our local pub just gets so crowded sometimes."  
"Oh, right. So what do you do, then?" asked Archie, looking at Ted.  
"I'm a gardener. I help out Ralph here look after his grounds. He's got an awful problem with the drainage in his lower field, so I try to sort that out as best I can."  
Ralph smiled to himself; the drainage in the lower field had become almost like an inside joke between him and Ted.

"A gardener, are you?" Archie replied. "I used to be a gardener meself. Oh yes...thirty years, man and boy."  
"Did you really?" asked Ralph. "I have so much respect for those people who are in touch with the natural world. I wish I could learn more about plants and animals; Ted has told me so much, but I can never remember anything!"  
"Oh yes, the old gardening game is the hardest game in the world, you know. And I had to give it up, as well, on account of my terrible back injury. You see, all the digging and planting really gets to you."   
"I see." Ralph seemed interested in Archie's mundane conversation, but Ted was impatient, looking around at all the pictures on the pub walls. "Yes, Ted sometimes complains of pains in his back, but I don't know what I can do to help. He turned down my offer of a relaxing massage, and-"  
"Ralph!!" whispered Ted, embarrassed.  
"Right, right," said Archie. "Are you familiar with the music of Frank Sinatra at all? Only there's one of Ol' Blue Eyes' songs reminds me of the time I spent in the garden, in my youth..." He started to weakly whistle a tune.

After a few hours, Ted and Ralph decided it was time to make their way back to the house. Although they hadn't had the quiet evening with just the two of them that they'd hoped for, they'd found a nice pub with friendly locals that they would definitely visit again soon.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sticking with my theory that all the characters in The Fast Show live in the same universe.


End file.
